• dogfish (♡)

I wanted the past to go away, I wanted to leave it, like another country; I wanted my life to close, and open like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song where it falls down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery; I wanted to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know, whoever I was, I was alive for a little while (...) And anyway it’s the same old story — a few people just trying, one way or another, to survive. Mostly, I want to be kind. And nobody, of course, is kind, or mean, for a simple reason. And nobody gets out of it, having to swim through the fires to stay in this world. And look! look! look! I think those little fish better wake up and dash themselves away from the hopeless future that is bulging toward them. And probably, if they don’t waste time looking for an easier world, they can do it.

"aquela mãe que insiste em seguir existindo como uma realidade para ela. mais viva ainda porque odeia e ama aquela mãe com a mesma intensidade, embora só tente odiar."

"quer machucar a mãe com suas unhas até vê-la sangrar, quer quebrar uma unha no osso da mãe. e logo o remorso, o maldito remorso que sempre vem como uma gastura no estômago. sua gastrite tem nome e sobrenome e um dia se chamou útero."

"não há como escapar da carne da mãe. o útero é para sempre."

"desde criança, quando abro um livro não estou mais aqui. não é uma metáfora para mim."

"continuo sem corpo. e ela lá fora, com medo que eu vá embora, fingindo desconhecer que não posso partir. nunca pude. porque arrasto comigo o corpo dela, que me engolfa e engole."

"o que me perturba é menos denso. não e...

upstream

"and whoever thinks these are worthy, breathy words i am writing down is kind. writing is neither vibrant life nor docile artifact but a text that would put all its money on the hope of suggestion. come with me into the field of sunflowers is a better line than anything you will find here, and the sunflowers themselves far more wonderful than any words about them."

"my parents were downstream, not far away, then farther away because i was walking the wrong way, upstream instead of downstream. finally i was advertised on the hotline of help, and yet there i was, slopping along happily in the streams' coolness. so maybe it was the right way after all. if this was lost, let us all be lost always."

"could you, oh clever one, do this? do you know anything about where you live, what it offers? have you ever said, "Sir Bea...