things that make me difficult

• i always seem to choose the thing i want to do over the thing that i should do
• i am a habitual procrastinator
• i internalize criticism and dwell on it
• i have a hard time accepting when people don't like me
• i'm a really good liar when i want to be
• i'm really easy to trust
• i change my mind all of the time
• i'm really good at winning arguments - even when i'm wrong

annoyingly, i'm sick all of the time.

• green tea
• wheat toast with butter
• MASHED POTATOES
• chicken soup... especially pho
• someone to take care of me
• sappy movies
• blankies
• quiet
• someone to take care of me
• hugs

• de young museum
• dolores park
• my bed
• atlas cafe
• lost weekend video
• tartine bakery
• union square at christmas time
• baker beach
• castro muni station
• my fire escape
• gabe's window

either because of meaning or the way they sound

• gubernatorial
• phlegm
• worcestershire
• glottis
• never
• blog
• psuedointellectualism
• apathy
• scrod
• moist

things that threaten to overwhelm me

• insane relatives
• the continuing aftermath of dad's death
• worry over my little sister

• missjes.com my blog
• i remember my friend andy's memories
• in passing eavesdropping in the bay area
• explodingdog great pictures
• cupcake bakeshop i heart cupcakes
• post secret nice to be reminded that everyone is wei...
• friends livejournals (sorry, i'm not outting my friends)
• found magazine because i like finding things too
• ready made someday i will have this much time and p...
• you tube obvious reasons
• missed connections on craigslist freaks, weirdos, and hopless romantics
• boingboing.net

• naive melody - the talking heads
• fly - nick drake
• waves - nouvelle vague
• into the mystic - van morrison

i am a bit of a fanatic...

• bistro 60 (nyc) - best burger ever.
• zazi (sf)
• big mouth burger (sf)
• zeitgeist (sf)
• mo's (sf)
• slow club (sf)
• whiz burger (sf)
• rare (nyc)
• chez maman (sf)
• ritespot (sf)

a revolving list.

• october

whether romantic or platonic...

• face life bravely
• tell me you love harold and maude
• appreciate a good steak
• dance like a nerd with me
• share my secret love of bad movies
• take care of me when i'm sick (bonus if you bring mashed potatoes)
• live passionately
• smile genuinely
• love kitties
• laugh with me until our sides and faces hurt
• give good hugs
• feed me something really amazing

things that make my life so good

• knowing there's no need to rush. i've been given all of the time i'll ever need
• dancing all of the time
• letting go when i need a good cry
• giving big bear hugs
• visualizing exactly how i'd punch the idiots of the world that are beyond my control and laughing to myself about it
• realizing anything is possible if i want to make it happen
• being genuinely nice to people
• listening
• observing
• believing people are good deep down (even the idiots)
• having friends who feel like family
• having family who feel like friends
• knowing money really isn't that big of a deal, and i can get anything free if i try

• americans who use british spellings in an attempt to be cute
• people who wear clothes that don't fit them
• idiots who don't use turn signals
• overly loud cell phone talkers
• strangers who sit too close to me on public transportation
• those who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're"
• thinking something is another flavor and having it turn out to be peanut butter
• duck shoes
• smug mac users (yes, i know my computer sucks)
• ending up somewhere really cool the one day i go out looking like a bum
• ideologues
• excessive pda
• fake accents
• unsolicited strangers/acquaintaces who pu...

• macaulay culkin
• conan o'brien
• john stewart
• jake gyllenhaal
• george stephanopoulos
• jimmy stewart
• joey ramone
• ira glass
• johnny depp
• faris badwan

• the wind rattling my fire escape
• giant green living room
• the view from my roof
• being able to climb out of my bedroom window
• kylea's pitcher plant
• geckos
• crickets chirping (before they become gecko food)
• having the two best burgers in sf only one block away on either side
• the crazy old couple who own the corner liquor store
• listening to kids play in the schoolyard when i'm home in the daytime
• living room windows that look directly into dance classes
• dirt cheap rent
• having the place to myself most of the time
• lavender growing in front of every house ...

from scratch, kids...

• fettuccine alfredo
• meatloaf
• mashed potatoes
• pretty much anything involving potatoes
• steak
• cupcakes
• bloody marys
• mac and cheese
• tomato soup
• oatmeal cookies
• snickerdoodles
• hot chocolate
• bread pudding
• butterscotch pudding
• meatballs
• potato soup

big and small things that put me on the mend

• being alone
• chocolate pudding from tartine
• cooking a big fancy meal for myself
• staying in my pajamas
• re-reading a favorite book in one sitting
• cigarettes
• eavesdropping
• going for a walk in north beach (where there's no chance of running into anyone i know)
• the mona lisa restaurant in north beach by myself (the waiters there always tell me i'm beautiful and bring me something special free when i go there alone)
• re-watching favorite sappy movies
• not answering my phone
• watching tourists in and around union square

• dances on empty dancefloors if the song is right
• quotes song lyrics semi obsessively
• spends hours alone in silence without realizing it
• gets destroyed for days over a beautiful book
• craves dancing
• wears dresses more than other clothes
• cries when happy as much as when sad
• forgives endlessly
• loves wrecklessly
• almost never wears socks
• never turns down a good glass of wine
• enjoys doing things the long way
• has the misfortune of being a pack rat and a nomad
• hates phone calls with strangers and acquaintances
• has a hard time finding faults in people

lately i've been getting a lot of static because of some common misconceptions about me being a shallow party girl

• i'm super shy (people think i'm a snob because i don't initiate conversations with new people - i'm actually just terrified.)
• i actually can't wait to settle down and be a mom (with the right person, if they exist)
• i would rather stay in than go out (i just don't have anyone to stay in with, and since i work from home i don't have any other way of meeting people)
• i will drop everything to help a friend
• i'm sick of dating around(i just haven't given up on happily ever after)
• i can't fathom people who intentionally hurt others
• i like taking care of and being taken care of

my dad was killed in a car crash on november 13 2006.

• his belly laugh
• the best cooking in the world
• going for long drives
• watching him drag race
• bear hugs
• my only other liberal family member
• celebrating our birthdays together
• knowing i don't have to say anything for him to understand
• knowing if everyone else falls through, he'll have my back
• fishing
• his ability to drive anywhere without a map or directions
• knowing always that he loved me and felt proud of me
• the way he squeezed my hand and made everything better
• escaping to his house in the middle of no...