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events
(Alcohol-Fueled Adventures)
The exploits are my own, but credit for this list goes to
jen
I have:
Been sick
in a bar bathroom
in a restaurant
unfortunately NOT in the bathroom
at the county fair
in a kitchen sink
out the window of a moving vehicle
Been in fights
with friends
who are no longer friends
who are still friends
despite broken noses
with a mohawked stranger
with the DJ at the video bar
with inanimate objects
Jumped
from a third story balcony
to escape someone who may have been chasing me
into Lake Pontchartrain
out of a moving vehicle
into bed
Ruined
shoes
white Chuck Taylors
favorite combat boots
red suede heels
reputations
my own
other people's
friendships
a wedding
Broken
promises
cell phones
TWICE
furniture
office chair
hide-a-bed
bones
fingers
toes
noses
not mine
my glasses
fine stemware
a one-of-a-kind French statue
Won
fist fights
bets
mud wrestling
Naked Girls Reading competition
Passed out
at a bar
at Starbucks
spent my last $3 on an iced coffee so I could pass out in their bathroom
at the train station
Kissed
girls
boys
my ex
strangers
bartenders
cross-dressers
sex workers
pirates
people twice my age
the singer in the band
Stripped
in a taxi
in a photobooth
TWICE
at a St. Patrick's Day party
like a Sweet Transvestite
Pretended to be sober
to myself
to my parents
to friends more drunk than myself
to my boss
to Vice President Biden
to Kevin Spacey
Peed in places I shouldn't have
behind a dumpster at the gay bar
in the men's room
between two cars in a crowded parking lot
Skinny-dipped
in Loomis Lake
while I was on duty as a lifeguard
in Lake Michigan
in Lake Geneva
in the Andaman Sea
Been frisked by
The Secret Service
Chicago police
Department of Homeland Security
They were totally overreacting
Navy Pier Security
Rescued
friends from boredom
a turtle from a pack of feral cats
a stripper from a knife-wielding mugger
Broken into
my ex's house, while he was out of town
the Grand Ballroom at Navy Pier
a stranger's apartment
because my date couldn't remember where she lived
Took a shower with all my clothes on
then wore those same wet clothes to work 5 hours later
Pushed a bouncer down a flight of stairs
Went to class wearing nothing but leggings and a jacket
Shaved my legs in the bathroom at a bar
Helped local prostitutes write resumes and cover letters
Threatened my ex with a hammer outside a bar
Fell down on the dance floor at a wedding reception
Sliced open my hand while trying to demonstrate that my knife was "not that sharp."
jul 4 2011 ∞
mar 22 2024 +