until when i have my own voice, until when i will not the a mirror of everything i absorb, until when i can pick up love and swallow it whole, until when i stop being torn down by my own imagination

i guess time does change everybody from a “dream comes true” to a “used to be i’ve found a place to rest my weary head in moments i never thought i could make myself to bed

• carrot
• tomato (if cooked with other ingredients then im okay with that)
• butter (same reason like above)
• purple onion
• chicken wings...
• pomelo (takes too much time peeling it)
• any types of salad
• raw food (like sushi and stuffs)
• don't like cheese so much uhh
• fucking peanut butter
• mayonnaise
• ketchup
• any fat in meat ^^
• cantaloupe
• strawberry...
• octopus

arab is such a beautiful language i want to learn it. i want to learn every language, what's life is not learning and crashing out while learning. i love language.

• ice skating
• snowboarding
• bungee jumping
• hill rolling
• exploring abandoned places
• listening to sad songs and crying
• taking care of a snake
• going to a circus
• doing drink game
• naming 100 names/things of anything (women/men/sea animal/country..)
• very intimate: play horror games together

• diaphomous
• tweezy
• pompom

have u ever cried yourself to sleep because the chance of you never getting love in this life line is higher than you committing unsuccessful suicide oh my god i do not like being single, i am not happy with myself but it does not mean i do not love myself. (i actually do not). i just want love and that is nothing relevant to me loving myself and the thing that is "just love yourself and others will love you". it makes me loathe myself for not trying hard enough. i am so desperate anyone come to me right now and that feeling with linger for weeks. i hate myself.

i have been too delusional, i have cocooned in my happy bubble house for so long i forgot im unworthy of even a slightest chance with anyone, i may face loneliness for the rest of my life, don’t i ever dare to imagine someone would think about me before they sleep, don’t i dare to have my love reciprocated. let me loiter around in my own pipe dream. 最深、最愛、最低、再生、最低性の思いやり。会いたい人に黙っていたから、漂うだけでいいのね。

i may die alone, i may live alone for the rest of my life. it's not that im constantly seeking love, but im worthless and unworthy and unlovable to the point no one will ever love me. i will be always used as a step stone for them to find a better person. i have always been myself, then why no one loves me, you told me not to worry and love myself more, but i have loved myself enough. i even stopped to seek...

you keep spooning me and feeding me with all of your lies, and i keep regurgitating and digesting and spitting your relentless, faulty lies. what is even our relationship without all of your lies and my torn façade. im fucking stupid, stupidest human being ever. people laugh at my idiocy, at my stupidity, everyone keeps telling me lies and i just keep buying them, keep using them to make me to sleep. im a fucking idiot. fuck.

dress more consciously, know what you wear, understand yourself. it’s not the more the better, it’s about the quality, the materials, and the colors. good dresser knows to see colors and combine them, good dresser knows how to be funky with limited or exclusive materials. a hint of originality is still superior to a plateau of tedious duplications. i said what i said.

• m.i.a (public maga)
• da baby (abuser)
• taylor swift
• the one in the neighborhood
• sydney sweeney (who even likes her ayy)
• jacob elordi
• nicki minaj (big ass maga)
• selena gomez
• the jenner/kardashian family
• ana de armas
• timothee chalamet
• tom holland (only for his acting, him irl is okay)
• jenna ortega (sorry she's trying too hard to be goth or whatever it is)
• lana del rey (not having a reason for not liking her at all)
• alysa liu (sorry)

my baby here on earth, send all my heart to you.

human beings should come to an extinction, not animals and nature. human should fucking die.

i don’t like the smell of perfume. perfume is fake, too sharp, too pointy. perfume is odd, why do ones like the smell of something so artificial and synthetic? ones are being trapped in the box of scents and thinking ones’ lives can be changed after some dull, tedious and nature-imitating notes. you can never imitate nature, you can never be absorbed in the warm radiance of sunshine in the morning, the eeriness of catholic churches on one sunday morning, the earthy smell of forests after heavy rain shower if you do not even know what they truly are. imitation is always imitation, imitation is fake, imitation is camp. it’s not a bad thing at all. but imitation without consciousness is putting ones in hell without a single passing ticket to heaven.

i may have cared too much about a stranger's life. girl, you have more choices and you have your own life to care about. you have the delusion of of nicole kidman at her ginger curly hair era. i know you are a pisces but you are way too typical of a pisces. live for yourself and stop yearning. love will come at the right time, with the right person, if they want to come to you, they will. (i still wish to have someone care and love me tho sadly, not something so achieve-able in a near future tho).

I ADORE HIM! i mean i only adore him because he’s adorable, and makes me heart melt, not that i like him, he’s an eptiome of cuteness and sincerity. and he’s everything i can ask for if he and me are in the same vicinity. bring him to me right away.

_ kind of delusional lol u do not even know that man and he doesn't want to reply your messages lol

• eat tsukemen
• explore abandoned places (churches)
• indo restaurant
• viet restaurant
• go to shows
• izakaya
• buy vinyls???????
• switch hands

• BEC (bitch eating crackers): Everything this person does annoys you, even something as simple as eating crackers
• atta boy
• condiment (things put in the dish to add flavour)
• vermin
• derail
• little rascal behavior
• imp
• bafoonish
• comatose
• plump
• dictate
• frou-frou
• kryptonite
• faux pas
• aglet
• syzygy
• overtomorrow
• acerbic

• how likely are you to scream at me in public
• what are your biggest pet peeves
• is there something i should know about you? is there something i should not know
• what’s the first action you take after waking up
• are u a hehe or haha person
• what meal feels like home
• what do u watch when u can't fall asleep
• what's the last thing u made

• block printing (tried this once, failed miserably)
• cyanotype (turmeric as alternative)
• corn dolly making
• hand engraving
• marbling
• lithography
• skeined willow working
• pysanka
• glassware

im a golbin, but a delicate one. and freedom and mystery still exist, out there. [listening to tofu - oh heejung]