• sketchy
• pathoma
• first aid

• pretty

not really significant, but i guess these would be markers of this time in my life.

- watching bojack horseman (i hate this show, i hate bojack, but i keep watching it) - been attending dj sets, what an alternative to the life i've been living.

- eating a lot of protein thx to my mama

- been making bracelets again. sania had me looped back into it and i'm remembering how much i really enjoyed jewelry making

- started listening to porter.. SMILE :D is changing something in me

the software category is funny because what is neurodivergence if not a computational difference?

nutritional supplements:

• do not skimp on the protein. especially if you're medicated. dopamine needs tyrosine, simply put: eat your food, drink your liquid diet, do whatever it is because you will not have productivity on an empty stomach, only physical suffering disguised as such
• lithium - i've only tried this once so i can't speak on my experience so far aside from being insanely tired. i really need a nap.
• electrolytes - do NOT skimp on these, most of the stimulant side effects are usually dehydration related
• magnesium - good for restful sleep :)

i do suppose that at some point you will read this, and i can only hope it's legible, enough for you to understand.

i haven't yet forgiven myself, for what? i'm unsure. i find faults in myself, and i hold these faults at fault for all that has happened to me. for there is no perpetrator, there is no accountability, and its absence manifests as an entity, desperately. clinging onto a dejected self-presence.

my desire to be near you feels like a desperate cry for help. like the sorrowful, guttural sobs of a young child left alone. nothing could come close to my naivety

i choose to keep you in the ever-driven organ between my ribs,

i rely on commas to give me breathing space, if you haven't noticed.

• the craft box + gingerbread house combination (mom)
• capo (fran)
• my purple best friends t-shirt (ayesha)
• hand-stitched guitar strap (maaz)
• pickguard (mik)
• orange amp (harmonix)
• mini orange (mik)
• larry mug (sarah + huz)
• pendant (kayn) pepper spray (liz)
• mp3 player, domo, beanie (mik)
• sania gave me a cookie last week and i cried

• alveolus: socket
• fistula: abnormal passage/connection
• sialadenitis: salivary gland infections

and gave me the best worst weekend ever. with an mp3 player.

• i have an awfully bitter taste on my tongue

it's there, but it isn't the primary one anymore. there's more love in my life than your evil

• when the sun is shining too brightly in your direction and you see everybody put down their car visor mirrors so they can see better
• airports
• concerts
• friendship bracelets