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Get round the fire with a glass of strong ale, and tell us a story from beyond the pale... Try to hold on to the time as it passes. I'll tend to the flame, you can worship the ashes.

January (一月)

  • 01日 星期六. Anxiety. Fanfics. Sleepiness. Planning. Against the Storm.
  • 02日 星期天. Work. I need to learn Libras. Sergio bought 10 frappuccinos for his coworkers. No internet. Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook by Mark Bray.
  • 03日 星期一. Sea shanties. The Longest Johns. Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook. Kethlyn, who bought Coxinhas to take to her daughters in Canada. Liryss.
  • 04日 星期二. Day off. Anxiety. Against the Storm. Fanfics. My brother gave me brownies.
  • 05日 星期三. Anxiety again, god help me. Work. Moby Duck. Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook. Discussing politics with Alessa.
  • 06日 星期四. Studying. So much cleaning. I made some hot chocolate to drink. Him. Not really, just a couple of messages.
  • 07日 星期五. Carolina, who always comes with her whole family. Working way too much. Larissa. Sea shanties, again. Getting sick.
  • 08日 星期六. I'm fully sick. First therapist appointment of the year. Antifa: The Anti-Fascist Handbook. Adam, who's Australian and fucking crazy. I miss talking to him.
  • 09日 星期天. I have covid. All the amazing people at the hospital. Sleeping a lot. Gus and Ale. Civ 6.
  • 10日 星期一. My mother's cooking. The fucking dog. Gus and Ale. The Shrouded Isle. Cute.
  • 11日 星期二. Railway Empire. I forgot the meds oops. Sleeping. Past lives. Gus watching Word of Honor.
  • 12日 星期三. Mom. Gus and Ale. Railway Empire. Encanto. Soul family.
  • 13日 星期四. Civ 6. Fanfics. Fleet Foxes. Youtube. Tarot.
  • 14日 星期五. Viracasacas. Ale listening to Doom Days. Railway Empire. Sleeping. So difficult to talk to people.
  • 15日 星期六. Mom and brother. Gus. Irmão Grande e Brasileiro 2. Fanfics. Adorable Home.
  • 16日 星期天. I'm looking like fucking McFly from Back to the future. Fuvest. Rain. Fanfics. Sleeping At Last (The band. I know I'm always sleeping too, but this is the band).
  • 17日 星期一. Adulting. Fuvest. My sister came to visit?? Against the Storm. Verona Coffee.
  • 18日 星期二. Studying coffee and tea. Work. Thais and Lucir. I bought some nice things. Mom.
  • 19日 星期三. The band CAMINO. Hot weather. Work. Chai with lemonade and blueberry. Gabs.
  • 20日 星期四. People are rarely as bad as we think the first time we meet them. Karina and Uel. I'm an authority in coffee and tea now. Tais. Somehow I forgot my meds again.
  • 21日 星期五. The Iron Dice podcast. Diogo, who buys tea for him and his mother and likes that I remember his name. Caramel macchiato. german music. Gus asked me to help him study but then talked about gays for 2h straight.
  • 22日 星期六. My family. Fast-food. New sketchbook. Strange Horticulture. Gus.
  • 23日 星期天. Strange Horticulture. Little by little learning Libras to speak with Douglas. New drinking game: take a sip every time I think about quitting my job. I almost remembered Paulo's name. I think I like you, maybe more than I should.
  • 24日 星期一. Hello, I've missed you quite terribly. Work. Someone remembered me from the other store and I have no idea who they are. Thanks, Silvia, for fucking up your order so I could eat a sandwich at lunch. Strange Horticulture.
  • 25日 星期二. Grant Gustin next to Oliver Queen's grave meme. png. Ding ding ding he's fucking dead. Latte art. Just casually flirting with my friends. We don't talk about Bruno.
  • 26日 星期三. Fanfics. People are rarely as bad as we first think they are, but they can still be pretty bad holy fucking shit. Henrique called me evil the whole day. Iced coffee. Gus finished Word of Honor (RIP).
  • 27日 星期四. I got into Unesp. Getting highly stressed at work. Gabriel gave me Undertale and Spiritfarer. My mother. Fanfics.
  • 28日 星期五. Spiritfarer. I have a tattoo now woooooo. Looking for a place in case I have to move out. Messing up my sleep schedule. I miss my mother's cooking.
  • 29日 星期六. I remembered Paulo's name. Tais. That cute boy. Raining so fucking much. No internet because Romeo (the fecking dog) ate the wires.
  • 30日 星期天. Spiritfarer. Stress at work. People are so rude for no reason, gosh. Good weather, good music, I wish I could go out tonight. Gender euphoria.
  • 31日 星期一. Witchcraft. Don't want to go to work. Kind of just waiting for something to happen. Henrique. Fanfics.

February (二月)

  • 01日 星期二. Gisele. Lughnasadh. Tired. Atlas: Enneagram. I downloaded that dating app again.
  • 02日 星期三. Fucking tired.
  • 03日 星期四. Spiritfarer. Call with Ale and Gus. Cube Escape. Making some sketches. Give me the future by Bastille.
  • 04日 星期五. This boy I've been talking to. People getting my pronouns right. I tried some matcha (don't taste as bad as I first thought it would). São Paulo's beautiful at night. Bastille.
  • 05日 星期六. I want to play Don't Starve. Shouldn't push my luck. Went on a date. Azul. Kinda drunk on the subway listening to Bastille.
  • 06日 星期天. Played Don't Starve. New idea. This person who was almost falling asleep while ordering then said they are a doctor working on Covid research and the pandemic is so far from ending. Dime, Victor, Tati. Why do I think so much about someone that doesn't care about me?
  • 07日 星期一. Don't Starve. LP3. Thais' sick, Liryss' back. Extra work, extra work ughh. Buying things at Shopee.
  • 08日 星期二. I'm tired, so tired. Anger. Awful day at work. Ale and Gus. Don't Starve.
  • 09日 星期三. Spiritfarer. Therapy. I bought açai. Kino. Fanfics again.
  • 10日 星期四. Adam being strange. I got the wrong bus and almost got lost :). Fanfics.
  • 11日 星期五. I got into USP??? Thinking about my family. We don't talk about Bruno. Diogo, again, because he's really cool. Encanto.
  • 12日 星期六. Forgot I had therapy ooops. Kinda bummed cause I didn't get to talk with the clients today (yeah, I kinda hate them, but I also like people). Palmeiras I hate you so much. That good kind of anxiety when you're about to start something exciting. Didn't get to talk much to people at all which is fine most days but not today.
  • 13日 星期天. I'm so fed up with work.
  • 14日 星期一. Wanted to cry for most of the day. Wanted to go back home. Tired.
  • 15日 星期二. I wish I could bundle up in my room and not leave and not speak anymore. Spiritfarer. Shouldn't I be happy now that I got what I wanted?
  • 16日 星期三. I feel terrible. I feel too fucking much. Lucir and Thais. I left my job. Darkest Dungeons.
  • 17日 星期四. Civ 6. David and Gabs. Fanfics. Disney songs.
  • 18日 星期五. Gus. Through the darkest of times. Drawing. USP. Moana.
  • 19日 星期六. The Sims 4. Ale and Gus. Luca. Anxiety. Fanfics.
  • 20日 星期天. The Sims 4. I don't know how to chill. Ale and Gus. Lucius. Mulan and Mulan II.
  • 21日 星期一. Cleaned my room. Tried to watch Frozen 2. Finished Lucius. Alessa. Fanfics.
  • 22日 星期二. Gisele. Civ 6. Fanfics.
  • 23日 星期三. Got the vaccine again. Therapy. Civ 6. Gus and Ale. Gus and I watched Moana.
  • 24日 星期四. Kinda dying because of the vaccine.
  • 25日 星期五. Anger. Went out drinking. Met new people. Tried smoking (didn't almost die this time). Came home late.
  • 26日 星期六. Therapy. More anger. Frozen II.
  • 27日 星期天. Gus and Ale. Cube Escape. Fanfics.
  • 28日 星期一. Traveling. Mom and the rest of the family. Dyed my hair. It's so fucking warm outside. Dark.

March (三月)

  • 01日 星期二. Howl's moving castle. Mom. Fanfics. I bought a new pin.
  • 02日 星期三. Mom. Came back home. No internet connectionon. Fanfics.
  • 03日 星期四. Met the trans folk from my college. Alessa and I trying to find a place to live. Fanfics. Shaun.
  • 04日 星期五. Civ 6 (Alexander, 1st try). Hail storm. Fanfics. Tarot (despite the spirits' warnings).
  • 05日 星期六. Fuck therapy all my roomies hate therapy (help). Went to a barbecue for my cousin's birthday. Family situations are so uncomfortable, they always talk about me like they know how I act when they don't even know who I am. Is it still envy if I say I'm not envious of my cousin anymore because she's kinda boring and inconvenient? Am I projecting? I really like my nephew, such a cute kid he is.
  • 06日 星期天. 100% cube escape collection. I miss falling in love. Reading fanfics to fill the void that exists where my heart should be.
  • 07日 星期一. Playing Hades. Fanfics.
  • 08日 星期二. I miss my friends. Cleaned my whole fucking room. Reflection song from Mulan. This fucking god awful day why do people only remember me on the only day of the whole year where they should forget I exist.
  • 09日 星期三. Existential crisis. Caldo de Cana hmmm. Tick-Tock with Gustavo where both of us lost all of our brain cells. Fanfics.
  • 10日 星期四. No thoughts just do it and we'll deal with the consequences when they come. When the past was around. Savage Daughter by Sarah Hester Ross.
  • 11日 星期五. This one was just the calm before the storm or something like that.
  • 12日 星期六. Visited my family. I don't really fit in with them... Being non-binary keeps me from really belonging to one of the two groups that they exist in ("women doing women stuff" or "men doing men stuff"). Anyways, got my niece drunk and we terrorized the other kids (and also my brother) trying to drop them from the hammock.
  • 13日 星期天. Really really really wanted to go home. My aunt started talking about my body in such a bizarre way that it triggered my dysphoria (and maybe my suicidal tendencies but this one is another whole problem). Cut my hair (bad because I really want long blond hair, but good because I really have to deal with this dysphoria thing).
  • 14日 星期一. Tired and scared and I don't like being an adult. Renewed my ID. Rain. Officially a USP student, no going back now. Ale and Gus.
  • 15日 星期二. English class. Laundry. Too depressed to go out today. Fanfics. Disney soundtracks.
  • 16日 星期三. I went to USP for the first time. Did a little bit of exploring. Chavoso da USP. Boulos. I met Lorena.
  • 17日 星期四. Remembered this site exists. I started Cracow Monsters and I'll finish it eventually.
  • 18日 星期五. Forgot this site exists. Started this very nice 200k fanfic, wow some people have brain cells when writing.
  • 19日 星期六. Finished that one fanfic, wow.
  • 20日 星期天. Mabon!!! I woke up too late to do anything, but at least I kept the date in mind. More fanfics (I'm dreading the day I'll have to leave the fanfics behind and read exclusively texts for school).
  • 21日 星期一. Went to a new psychologist so someone else can see how fucking messed up I am. First day off class. I'll have to work really hard to keep my concentration during this class ughh. I ate on another bandejão and I prefer the central, more organized, fewer people wanting to kill every single student, etc.
  • 22日 星期二. Cold. Running from place to place to do everything in time. Really fucking suicidal. Trying not to break down on the subway. Fanfics are my only friends.
  • 23日 星期三. Don't remember didn't happen.
  • 24日 星期四. Trying really hard to make acquaintance with my classmates.
  • 25日 星期五. Ale's birthday. Civ 6 (Finally finished Alexander's playthrough - 3rd try). Aztecs. And that doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means they're not safe.
  • 26日 星期六. Civ 6 (Amanitore, 1st try).
  • 27日 星期天. Finished my Amanitore playthrough. Discord call with Ale and Gus. The Oscars (don't really care besides the fact that Encanto won the best animation - which it shouldn't have - and lost the best song - also shouldn't have). I miss being able to talk to people about the things I like.
  • 28日 星期一. My family somehow ruined my day without even talking to me. Therapy... Who am I? What do I like? Who do I want to be? What do I want my day to be like? College.
  • 29日 星期二. Alessa and Pierre. Class. Someone stopped me to introduce themselves and then just left. The girl on the train who rescued a bee.
  • 30日 星期三. Iberic history. Languages and cartography. These two girls I'm helping.
  • 31日 星期四. Al-Idrisi's maps (actually, maps from the 12th century in general). I met new people.

April (四月)

  • 01日 星期五. Anxiety. Fanfics. Spellcaster university. The Inca Empire was so boring.
  • 02日 星期六. Spellcaster university. Trying to read the texts for college. Gus. Civ 6. Fanfics.
  • 03日 星期天. Civ 6. Ale and Gus.
  • 04日 星期一. Therapy. I went to college with my new friend (?). I hate my bank. I have lots of work to do. Dinner with Lorena.
  • 05日 星期二. Oh god oh fuck. I had an idea for the assignment. Ada and I made friends with a boy on the train.
  • 06日 星期三. There was a protest at college today. Developing that idea. So, Gabi and I ended up with another assignment due very soon. We made friends with this boy called Luan.
  • 07日 星期四. Beautiful boy in class, I'm gay. Gabi and I went to the library to work on our assignments. We talked about Merlin and other brain rots of ours.
  • 08日 星期五. Alessa. We went to Liberdade and spent a little bit of money. The Samurai living statue. Zenitsu. The two guys on the train played very well.
  • 09日 星期六. The two papal bulls of 1493. Ale and Gus. I tried. Am I so... unimportant? Gabs and David.
  • 10日 星期天. Fuck Alexander VI and both of the Catholic monarchs. I'm practically researching this by myself. First time listening to Smoke & Oakum. Fanfics.
  • 11日 星期一. Played Basil II on Civ 6 (or tried to). Took a break from schoolwork, let the other two do something. Fanfics.
  • 12日 星期二. Civ 6. Whatever happened during the alcaçovas treaty talks. Why does everyone have the same nameeee, did the iberians have no creativy? Sea shanties, mainly the Cure what ails ya album.
  • 13日 星期三. Civ 6. Gus. Schoolwork. Colombus crazy ass ideas about where the fuck he was. Fanfics.
  • 14日 星期四. 9 AM and I'm already feeling suicidal, the day is gonna be great. My teacher changed the whole seminar to something else. Gabi. Fanfics.
  • 15日 星期五. Arthurian legends. Tried to play Minecraft with the boys (didn't work).
  • 16日 星期六. Sea shanties.
  • 17日 星期天. Megamind. I don't like feeling as if I have to be, act, and talk only about what others like.
  • 18日 星期一. Got angry at therapy. Gabi and Giulia. I want to go to a party.
  • 19日 星期二. Fanfics. Gabi and Ada and Luan. I like working on research. Too tired to do anything.
  • 20日 星期三. I bought the "Invisible Cities" by Italo Calvino.
  • 21日 星期四. Assignment.
  • 22日 星期五. Phasmophobia with David. Working on my assignment.
  • 23日 星期六. Tried to make a dessert. Phasmophobia with David, again.
  • 24日 星期天. Spiritfarer. In the good times. The bad times. They exist together. Intertwined. Finished my assignment.
  • 25日 星期一. USP's restaurant is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ada and Gabi.
  • 26日 星期二. Ricuperoooo, never thought I would like and class on Colonial Brazil.
  • 27日 星期三. God, it's so fucking scary to exist and be perceived. My teacher might've liked my assignment, not sure. Luan, Gabi and Ada again.
  • 28日 星期四. No class, no thoughts, head empty, only a 100k words long fanfic to keep me company.
  • 29日 星期五. Visited my ex-coworkers today, kinda miss working. I told you that my whole life could have sworn I would die young, my last words twenty-two years on my tongue.
  • 30日 星期六. Ada, Gabi and I decided on some things for our next presentation. Ada and I have the same surname somehow (the first time it happens, since it's a not too common surname). Phasmophobia with David (we are getting better at it, let's gooo). Fanfics.

May (五月)

  • 01日 星期天. Dream Daddy. Yes, this game was not a collective hallucination. It's actually really fun. More fanfics.
  • 02日 星期一. Who knew I would feel a lot better after spending 1 hour crying in therapy? Talking about nothing with Gus. Reading fanfics instead of texts for class.
  • 03日 星期二. Gisele. Class??? Texts to read??? Watched some phasmophobia youtube videos.
  • 04日 星期三. The total MADNESS I had to go through while researching this fucking assignment what the FUCK, why is this city so fecking STRANGE. I lost all my brain cells in this one.
  • 05日 星期四. Gabi being super gay and unable to concentrate around beautiful girls. My friend Luan made such a good seminar that I think he fucked up this assignment for everyone else. Now the teacher has EXPECTATIONS. He's so smart tho, imagine being smart.
  • 06日 星期五. Doing my assignment (Please, WHY it takes so long to do research). I don't really know what I'm doing. I also don't like the theme of my research.
  • 07日 星期六. Meeting with my teacher to talk about my assignment. Meeting with the rest of the group to talk about the assignment. Gabi, David and I played Phasmophobia. It was a mess.
  • 08日 星期天. Read a fanfic about space pirates, good shit. (Watch I regret not reading the texts for the classes I have this week). But why read to school when you can read about gays in space.
  • 09日 星期一. Therapy. I don't know if it's helping, but probably it is. Guess I have to keep trying. Went to the doctor. I'm really trans, huh. Kinda sad I missed class today, I really like this one.
  • 10日 星期二. When people make difficult questions to my teacher, and he loses all composure sits on the table, regrets his life choices, etc. Gabi, Ada and Luan. Also, the total air of defeat this group was exhaling during class. Gabi was looking to the sky in search of help, Ada distracted herself with her phone 30 minutes in and never came back, Luan was tick-tick-ticking his pen while reevaluating all the choices that brought him here, and I was really paying attention I swear. I bought an Antifa shirt from the student union.
  • 11日 星期三. There's a party tomorrow...
  • 12日 星期四. Seminar. "I need to create a grade above 10". Luan, Ada, Gabi (and her friend Pedro) and I stayed late to enjoy one of USP's traditions (a weekly party of sorts made by the ECA students). Late-night conversations.
  • 13日 星期五. New My Chemical Romance song.
  • 14日 星期六. Reading fanfics.
  • 15日 星期天. My mom visited and we went out to eat pastel. Alessa and I went clubbing.
  • 16日 星期一. Had lunch with Gabi (more like I had lunch and she was reading the text for class by my side). A new assignment just dropped. Sea shanties.
  • 17日 星期二. Class, this one was hard. Lecture in arqueology. Played Phasmophobia with Gabi and David at fucking 11 PM.
  • 18日 星期三. It's too fucking cold. Usp warns there'll be psychological torture later. Why is this class so boring.
  • 19日 星期四. Class. I didn't really pay too much attention to it, f. Cold. Read some fanfics before going to bed.
  • 20日 星期五. Therapy, ieei. Read some fanfics. Read a little of Gilberto Freyre and wtf is this. Played Phasmophobia with David and Gabi. Tried the Curry cup noodles and the spicy one too, just for funsies.
  • 21日 星期六. Tried playing Phasmophobia alone. Discord with Gus. Listening to Dance Fever by Florence + the machine.

June (六月)

  • Swear I'm gonna update this eventually
  • 03日 星期五. Discord call with Gus. Oxygen Not Included Space Out DLC. I'm kinda tired of therapy.
  • Actually, I probably won't update shit.
  • 07日 星期二. I went to university or something, don't remember. But I was very stylish. I may be depressed, but I'm still going to dress well.
  • 08日 星期三. I'm tired. I have to study. Wow, cool fanfic. I'm soo useless. Grape juice my beloved.
  • 09日 星期四. Depressive episode, suicidal ideation, all the good stuff.
  • 10日 星期五. Therapy in which I told my therapist that I don't want to change shit, fuck this. Discord call with Gus. Studying for my test. Brazilian EAS Alarms and other videos. Phasmophobia.
  • 11日 星期六. I'm sick. I'm also lowkey depressed. Went shopping with mom. Bought Demian by Hermann Hesse. Fuyu no Hanashi.
  • 12日 星期天. I convinced myself that I don't really want to do anything today. Discord call with Ale and Gus. They do be my emotional stability. Watched Tangled because it's lovers' day.
  • 13日 星期一. Class. Talked with my teacher about my fucking essay. The gods are against me.
  • 14日 星期二. Exam postponed because of the bus strike. Doing nothing. Phasmophobia with Gabi and David.
  • 15日 星期三. Visited my sister. My nephews are such angels. Really uncomfortable with their family dynamics. Watch a dumb copaganda movie.
  • 16日 星期四. Played Monopoly with my nephew. Got emotionally manipulated into staying at my sister's house later than planned. Got guilt-tripped after I made clear I really needed to go home.
  • 17日 星期五. I'm fucking tired. My therapist is driving me fucking nuts, I'm starting to feel like Will fucking Graham.
  • 18日 星期六. My cat, I love my cat, she's so cute. My nephew's birthday party. Doing nothing for a whole lot of hours. Gus, Ale and I talking about BBC Merlin.
  • 19日 星期天. I made very little progress on my assignment.
  • 20 . Classsss. Luan. I remembered the previously mentioned assignment is due next week.
  • 21 . Alessa. Test. Talking about BBC Merlin with Gabi. Really I need an intervention to keep me from this show.
  • 22 . I fucking remembered the assignment again. First Iberic class in a month. I don't fucking know what I'm doing.
  • 23 . Help.
jan 1 2022 ∞
jun 23 2022 +