TATTOOS:

• 2 parallel lines on right arm (same sizing/placement as venn diagram)
• chandelier in black (kinda like my listography background) on the back of one of my shins
  • BUT IDK WHAT WOULD BE ON THE OTHER SHIN....... (it would have to be black and go with the chandelier aesthetically idk)
• daffodil ...somewhere...
• Patrick Wolf's unicorn tattoo (NO BUT SERIOUSLY....)
• bow tattoos!
• mark of eyghon
• cattoo for Annie
• a tattoo for you, Dad
• rococo mermaid - Georges Barbier (Paris: Le Vasseur, 1934)
• "if my heart could beat it would break my chest" over heart (TBH)

• dollar store severed fingers
• dollar store fake eyeballs (?)
• snaps
• elastic lace trim
• lace fabric
• MORE LACE EVERYTHING
• necklace clasps
• dollar store plant hangers ...from somewhere...
• snaps

• I need to get rid of everything
• everything
• absolutely everything I own

• Jamberry
• The Jamberries

• buffy
• food
• fussing with my hair
• heat
• nail painting
• showers
• sytycd
• feelings, so many feelings
• thinking about how perfect you are
• thinking in general
• kittens
• singing
• not doing anything remotely productive

• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you
• fuck you

• sore throat
• cough
• headache
• sneezing
  • sniffling
• body sore
• exhausted

• sleeping
  • well, I can, but I want to sleep until like noon ;__;
• watching Xena
• watching Merlin
  • which apparently I do like??? okay.
• watching Dexter
• eating pizza
• nothing

• Bon Iver
• Villagers (some)
• Laura Marling (most)
• Chris Garneau

• sometimes I really feel like I should see a therapist
  • my mind is a busy place
    • so clogged with thoughts
      • I can't string together thoughts without making a web
        • I'm doing it right now
          • I'll keep writing where these thoughts take me
• my web-thoughts represent my "religious" beliefs
  • we are all connected
    • fragile links, keeping us together

• really swollen ankle
• bruise & bump on my shin
• bump on my chin from when I hit it on the top of the car

I'm posting this here because I just need to say it and I don't want to put it on tumblr because I know no one would care.

The ending made sense ...sort of. But if you think about it more a lot of things were a little vague, which is fine, but it also makes it sort of confusing. So here's what I say:

• it makes sense that people would be more ~accepting~ because they remember what happened under the influence of the pansy, but only like a dream
  • I don't think the whole town really consciously remembers being in love with each other/getting married
• but at the end Jonathan goes up to Timothy and kisses him and is all "I feel like myself"
• but wtf WHAT EVEN

• interior designer
• window display designer
  • Forever 21
  • Anthropologie
  • etc.
• design dollhouses that look like model homes
  • also, treehouses. why don't dollhouse-treehouses exist?
• personal stylist
  • but just to gothic schoolgirls who want to look like grannies
• professional narcissist
• motivational speaker

• post-Black Swan insanity
  • The Block was cold and rainy
• I am very hungry
  • is there food in my house?
• my cat is in my lap
• Mitra will be here in a couple of hours
  • Human Centipede and Black Swan in the same day
    • book ends
  • my house is a mess
    • oh well
• I got two pairs of damn fine heels in the last 2 days
  • currently wearing one of them

• I think in patterns
  • in connections
    • in memories
• that's why I always blurt things out and ramble
• I remember what someone said to me years ago
  • and what I thought afterward
• or what I wore to that one concert
  • and how I regretted wearing sandals
• or if someone was in my math class in 9th grade
  • and what block it was
• I remember faces
  • gestures

• socks (two)
• scarf
• gloves
• shoelaces
• umbrella

• Junior College
  • Fullerton College with Interior Design
• 4-year public university
  • Sacramento State
  • San Diego State
  • San Francisco State
  • University of Oregon
  • CSULB
• Design school
  • Design Institute of San Diego
• JC then Design school

• hahahahahahahahahahaha
• hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
• hahahahahahaha
• hahahahahahahahahahahaha

• "There is no them, there are only facets of us"
• "I know it's hard for you to change; before we part our separate ways you need to know: I understand you"
• "Life is great - without it you'd be dead."
• "I believe in things even when I know that they don't exist"
• "Like a little girl inside I want to hug you day & night"
• "Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself."

• My life is an open book that no one wants to read

• "There is no them, there are only facets of us" John Green
• "I know it's hard for you to change; before we part our separate ways you need to know: I understand you" The Dodos
• "Life is great - without it you'd be dead." Gummo
• "I believe in things even when I know that they don't exist" Timothy Rabbit
• "Check your thighs in the mirror - AND I'M DONE!" Bianca, ANTM
• "You're tacky and I hate you." School of Rock
• "Get yourself some manners so you don't look so damn stupid." JuJubee
• "If I ever become a porn star, I won’t have to change my name." Rider Strong
• I love quotes, and I have so many more. I lost my quote books.

• IMing with Mitra who is sitting across the table from me
• saying dirty things about plums

• KC Kitty - My mom's cat. She hated me. (deceased, feline leukemia, unknown age)
• Survivor - We had fish when I was little - maybe infant to age 4? - and this one apparently lasted a long time. That's why its name was Survivor. (deceased, unknown cause, unknown age)
• Mortal Man - A fish; the same kind as Dory from Finding Nemo. My sister named him. (deceased, unknown cause, unknown age)
• Shadow - A black cat we got as a kitten when I was two years old. He was very timid. (ran away/deceased, unknown cause, unknown age)
• Mewsette - A black and white cat from the same litter as Shadow. She used to be sweet - for about a week. She is the bitchiest, most territorial, crotchety cat you will ever see. (still living, age 15)
• Murphy - A Tibetan Terrier dog with catar...

• Pushing Daisies
• Freaks & Geeks
• Weeds
• Six Feet Under
• Breaking Bad
• Mad Men
• True Blood
• Dexter
• Big Bang Theory
• It's Always Sunny ...in Philadelphia
• Skins
• Xena
• First seasons of The Office
• First seasons of 30 Rock
• Summer Heights High
• Adventure Time

• A- ampersands, animals, architecture, aesthetics, amy sedaris
• B- bones, breasts, braids, bricks, butts, belugas
• C- cats, clavicles, curry
• D- daffodils, dresses, the dodos, david sedaris
• E- ears, endlessness, energy, emoticons
• F- floral, flannel, french
• G- girls, grapes
• H- hips, hands, hugs
• I- interior design, iced coffee, ink, iCarly
• J- jim-jams, jokes, john green
• K- kittens, karma, kiwis
• L- letters, lucky cat, lemonade, laura marling, lists, lace
• M- music, mornings, mika
• N- noses, nachos, nerdfighting, nineties
• O- orange juice, oak, octopi, olivia wilde

• Harry Potter
• Hunger Games
• Game of Thrones
• Supernatural
• Twin Peaks (not technically a fandom but whatevs)
• Teen Wolf
• Avatar/Korra

• Monday=orientation
• Tuesday=wisdom teeth extraction
• Wednesday=cry/recover
• Thursday=cry/recover
• Friday=class
• Saturday=first day of work

• My Cake
• My Way Home
• My Life in Four Cameras
• My Musical
• My House
• My Common Enemy
• My Lunch/My Fallen Idol
• My Heavy Meddle

Tuesday:

• Register for classes at 9AM
• landlady coming to look at the carpet??
• work on room
• verify schedule for playhouse

Wednesday:

• go sell clothes at Deelux/The Lab
  • drop of donations at Goodwill
• first rehearsal
• read at coffeehouse
• do the dishes
• more waitlisting classes???? T )T

Thursday:

• go sell clothes at deelux/the lab
  • drop off donations at Goodwill
• Jesse!
• rehearsal

• Patrick Wolf
• Willow/Tara
  • Wara?
  • Tillow?
• Brittana
• Pushing Daisies
  • SWEET PIE PRINCE & YOUR EYEBROWS LET'S HUG
• (lalalaa)
• So You Think You Can Dance

Thursday

• ✔ properly figure out what needs to be done for Lighting Portfolio
• ✔ get iPod out of car
  • ummm it was in my backpack??? ok
• find bike pump
• ✔ take down fort
• attempt bike ride to school
• myth homework
• ✔ scan lighting stuff for tewks/kimba
• ✔ finish Merlin
  • ✔ Queen of Hearts
  • ✔ The Sorcerer's Shadow
  • ✔ The Coming of Arthur Part 1
  • ✔ The Coming of Arthur Part 2
• Renaissance essay
• clean room

Friday

• my pink hair
• ballet
• tap
• french
• my sister
• Mitra
• my old house
• my cat Shadow
• generally "the way things used to be"
• my long hair
• life pre-tumblr

• "just chillin'"
• "oops"
• "okay." (<<- emphasis on the period)
• "srsly tho"
• "samesies"
• "I just... I can't."
• "Is this real life?"
• this face: ;__;
• "wrong"
• "just... some stuff"
• "stellar"

• racial slurs
• sexist remarks
• ableist terms
  • see specifically: constant use of the word "retarded"
• heterosexist/heteronormative mentality
  • use of the word "gay" to mean "stupid"
• etc.

• velvet
• lace
  • a big rectangle of black or white to wear as a big scarf would be majorrrrrrrrrrrrr
• A LEOPARD FURRY COAT
  • wanted this in my life for like 5 years
• heeeeelz
• gray tights
• socks
  • ruffly kind in every color
  • thin white crew socks
  • over-the-knee
• long skirts
  • pencil
    • (idk if they're even called pencil skirts...

• lifting things with my head so I can still use my hands

I think my top three favorite movies ever are

• Being John Malkovich
• Whip It
• Were the World Mine

• I don't really feel like I have a dad a lot of the time
• My mom and I struggle to pay for groceries
  • it scares me how much she spent at Christmas
  • we literally have no savings
• I get sad sometimes, just like everyone, but I never say anything because I always feel like I need to be everyone's rock
  • and then I think about how much bigger a lot of other people's problems are, and I don't want to complain
• I'm /always/ tired
• I have very little confidence in my "talents"
  • that's in quotation marks because I don't really have any

• join mother in resolve to cook more
  • I don't always need to be healthy, but I want to eat better
• exercise
  • stretch
  • yoga?
• keep my room clean
  • organization
• try to be more focused
  • schoolwork
  • everything in life
    • I am too scatterbrained
• read more
• create
  • write

• I should really start making art
• it would really help with my issues
  • thoughts trying to burst from my head
  • observations
  • tangents
  • topics
  • memories
  • connections
• or I could write
  • stories about people
    • who do things like me
  • poems
  • songs
• or I could scream
  • too many things bottled up
    • not emotions

• eat more fruits and vegetables
• eat less ramen and bad stuff
• high-alkaline foods...?
• GET MORE SLEEP
• go on walks
• go on bike rides
  • fix bike...
• sssstrech!
• DANCE!
• relax/meditate

• Living in...
  • Seattle
  • Portland
  • San Diego
  • Northern California
• Financial Stability
  • Interior Designer
  • uhhhhhh....
  • café/vintage store?
• MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME APARTMENT/HOUSE
  • brick walls
  • white walls
  • floral wallpaper
  • WOOD FLOORS
  • color
  • gold frames
  • pink candles
• a lady-friend

• lighter green (like carissa's)
• opaque yellow
• better white
• better coral
• orange
• baby pink
• gold
• more glitter (less chunky)
• opaque, lighter blue
• normal purple
• MOOD MOOD MOOD MOOD MOOD

• tried to decide whether to watch movie with Michael Emerson in it or a different one
• chose the one without Michael Emerson
• MICHAEL EMERSON IS IN IT ANYWAY

• breakfast: a large iced coffee
• lunch: a banana, some french fries, a sprite
• dinner: sprite

Time for some motherfucking linguine as a midnight snack.

• I have a lot of laundry to do
• My hair is awkward
• I'm hungry - what do I have to eat?
• I should paint my nails
• Where's my cat?
• I'm glad that my sunburn has gotten better
• I want to watch Pushing Daisies
• Tonight is my last night in the house I have lived in for 12 years

• went to Mitra's house
• Internet-ed
• went to Pavillion's for groceries
• got some iced coffee
• stole a shopping cart
• Internet-ed
• had many deep conversations
• made some pasta
• made some mint chip ice cream cake
• attended a family dinner of a family I am not technically part of
• Internet-ed
• IM'd with Mitra while in the same room
• watched Work of Art, Freaks & Geeks, and Pineapple Express
• went to bed at 4
• woke up at 9:30
• DIED

• The bug bite on the pad of my right middle finger
• That's it

• Parallel
• Teeth
• Paper
• Ink
• Milk
• Bone
• Small
• Dick

• Au Revoir Simone
• Born Ruffians
• Bowerbirds
• Caroline Smith & the Goodnight Sleeps
• Chris Garneau
• Devendra Banhart
• Feist
• Fleet Foxes
• Franz Ferdinand
• Lady Gaga
• Laura Marling
• MIKA
• Múm
• Noah & the Whale
• Pomplamoose
• Regina Spektor
• Sea Wolf
• Sibylle Baier
• The Dodos
• The Morning Benders
• Timothy Rabbit

• black hoodie
• black jacket (somewhere between a cardigan and a peacoat)
  • those first two might be the same thing
• black scarf(/ves)
  • knitted infinity
  • silk headscarf

• finish PSU application (by Dec 1)
• start rigorous scholarship research/application
• decide once and for all whether or not I'm taking classes next semester (before Dec 7)
• pack! (tentative moving time: week between Christmas/New Year's)
• ask for time off (when move date is more specific)
• online traffic school (before ...Dec 20? JUST...ASAP)
• homework for class (weekly/term ends Dec 16)

• don't stop believin
• love shack
• fix you
• the magic position
• we are the champions

• moving
  • September/October
  • November/December
    • Anaheim?
    • Fullerton?
    • another part of Orange?
    • ?
• college
  • take 1 or 2 classes fall semester
    • get in the system
    • (that interior design class)
  • apply to PSU for the spring term
  • OR keep taking classes at FJC
    • get transferrable classes to PSU
  • apply to PSU for fall term as freshman with maybe/hopefully some transferrable cou...

• finish filling out the applications I have/turn them in
  • Trader Joe's
  • Mother's
    • go get one?
  • Claire's
  • World Market
  • Sprouts
• other applications
  • Corner Bakery
  • ????
• references
  • Chrissie
  • Captain
  • Mike?
  • ✔ Ryan?

• gosh
• goodness
• so much to do
• ...
• my mom is watching Forget Paris in her room
  • Billy Crystal, that's a good name
• new color obsession: pale pink
  • ✔ lipstick
  • ✔ nail polish
  • everything else in my life
• is it time for bed yet?
  • it's only 7?

• Xena (Netflix)
• Merlin (Megavideo)
• Daria (Megavideo)
• My So-Called Life (Netflix!!!!)
• Freaks and Geeks (Youtube/Google Video)
• 3rd Rock From the Sun (Netflix)

• government test that I haven't studied for (yet?)
• terrible myth group presentation with people I want to murder
• conservatory that will actually be work
  • very frustrating work
  • and I missed it last week so... oops.
• rehearsal

• proud that I woke up before the time got to double digits
• chilled in my bed for a little while
• went to the bathroom
• OOPS THE TOILET OVERFLOWED
• OOPS AND IT KEPT OVERFLOWING AND FLOODED THE BATHROOM!!!
  • while my mom was on a really long, really important work call
• got hungry so I got a bowl of Cocopuffs, set aside
• told my mom via writing that the toilet was overflowing
• searched house for plunger
  • no luck
• alerted landlady/found plunger
• oh god, the toilet is still overflowing
• forgot about Cocopuffs, got soggy :(
• called plumber

• sometimes it's
• nights like these where
• thoughts build &
• build
• & build &
• I wonder if it's sadness
• or
• boredom or teen angst
• or
• something else
• that gets me like this

I lack passion, but I have many interests. Maybe I'll just be the kind of person who has done many things.

• film
• fashion design
• photography
• music
• art
  • sculpture
  • painting
• cooking/baking
• performance art

• modelmodelmodel
• "I'm going to finally clean my room!"
  • oops, it's just worse now
• a last minute and drastic haircut
• surprising myself with the color my hair turned out
  • the legitimate fear of it turning green was not realized!
  • it somehow came out redder though? wuteva~
• model forever
• shit fuck, this model
• oops, other homework what?
• hands covered in paint

• oh shit I have short hair
• holy fuck whoa my hair is really dark

• ✔ MT Mosaics
  • co-lighting design with Megan
• ✔ Once On This Island
  • motherfucking stage manager
• ✔ Gala
  • ASM with Carissa (Megan is SM!!!)
• ✔ Integrated Arts Musical (GAG ME WITH A SPOON)
  • another fucking co-lighting design
  • also stage manager trolololol
• CCD Student Choreography
  • Master Electrician
• Season Finale
  • Makeup Crew

• ✔ Doctor Who
• Xena
• ✔ Misfits
• The Office, pre- 3/4
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer
• Firefly
• Angel
• Dollhouse
• Freaks & Geeks
• Queer as Folk marathon with Jesse
• re-watch all of LOST

I haven't spoken to my dad in almost two months. I won't call him until he calls me.

• "i love you"
• "i'm sorry"
• "will you marry me?"
• "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8"
• "wait"
• "just... stop. stop."
• "I'm in love with you"
• "people say we're perfect for each other, but I just think she's perfect."

• there is a maggot on my ceiling
• my laptop charger/battery is/are fucked up

• I am moving right next to the orange circle in a couple of weeks
• Collegecollegecollegecollegecollegewhattttttt
• I need to re-dye my hair this weekend
• Mitra should make me another meme
• Wait.. Mitra... MITRA IS LEAVING.
• My sister is leaving
• Crushing on a straight girl
• I need to paint my nails
• My room is a mess
• I want more hummus

• safety
• peace
• confidence
• self-worth
• love
• family
• respect
• (self respect)
• safety
• safety
• safety
• safety

• completing a task
• solving a mystery
• walking on cool pavement with bare feet
• fitting something into a perfectly sized nook/cranny
• wrapping up in warm blankets on a cold night
• a slight breeze on a hot day
• finding something that was lost
• finally being rid of "that feeling"

• am hungry
• smell bad
• am tired

• Kid Cuisine in front of the TV watching Figure It Out with my sister
• Catholic school - my family is not Catholic (and is against organized religion)
• Always living with a cat
• Our good family friend Alice - a cross-dresser
• Lying about my age on Neopets so I could go on message boards
• Watching Roseanne and not realizing my crush on Darlene Conner
• Hating my friends, and being afraid of some of them
• Building forts by myself
• Dressing up in my Granny's clothes and putting on plays after school with my sister & cousins
• Chicken McNuggets
• My dad snoring as he slept and my sister and I plugging his nose and laughing at him

• Tinkerbell
• Witch
• Good witch
• Witch
• Gothic ballerina
• Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World
• Artie the Strongest Man in the World from Pete & Pete/Where's Waldo (the costume was a bit ambiguous)
• Clarissa Darling from Clarissa Explains it All
• Keyboard Cat from the YouTube video
• Piglet

• My name is Charlotte
• I am a girl
• I am vegan
• I am a lesbian
• I am a teenager
• I have an obsession with the Internet
• My thumbs are too small for the rest of my hand
• My favorite color is seafoam green
• My shoe size is 8
• I go to an arts high school
• I really, really love cats
• My floral print clothing collection has truly gotten out of hand
• Goddamn, I love Olivia Wilde
• and Scarlett Johansson
• ...and Chloe Sevigny